Anger management
by Fleppy85
Summary: When Sara destroys a room in the lab Sofia's job is to dismiss her - unless she finds out a very good reason for Sara's behavior


For Dina

* * *

"Wow, what is this?" Sofia stopped and starred at the room. Or what was left of the room. Chairs laid on the floor, broken glass was all over the floor, folder and papers were spread on the floor, table, cabinets. A little lake of coffee was next to the shattered coffee machine, evidence of broken coffee mugs were next to the door. The whole room like somebody had been very angry and decided the room was the best place to get rid off the anger.

"This is the suspension and dismissal of Sara Sidle." Conrad Ecklie stepped behind Sofia. In his face was a mix of anger and satisfaction. "I always said she's a loose bullet."

"Why did Sara do something like this?" Yes, the brunette investigator had a temper but Sofia couldn't see her doing this. Not without a very good reason.

"Don't know. One moment she is in here, you say a word and she explodes. Boom. Here." He handed her a folder. "I sent her home on suspension and wrote the dismissal. All you have to do is sign it and we can get rid off this chaos, Deputy Chief."

"Thanks." Sofia looked at the folder and back at the room. Something was odd. She had a lot of questions and so far Ecklie had barely answered any of them and she was sure, he wouldn't answer them. Not honest. He and Sara had never been friends, they managed to be in the same room without fighting; sometimes and most times they didn't try to hide their dislike for each other.

Without looking into the file Sofia continued walking down the hallway, looking for somebody who could give her a few answers. The first one who crossed her way was Hodges.

"Deputy Chief Curtis, what a wonderful surprise to see you here."

"Why is that, Hodges?"

"Well…it's always good to see that the people who are in higher positions come down to us, to have a look how we work, maybe appreciate our work and…"

"Save the rest for Ecklie, Hodges. I know how you work, I worked here too if you can remember."

"Of course…"

"Good."

"I was just saying…"

"You have to continue your work?" She raised her eye brows. It wasn't a question, it was a request. An obvious one.

"Yes. Exactly. Bye." Busy he vanished into the next room.

David Hodges wasn't the person she wanted for answers. Without a doubt he could give her a lot of answers and probably he was the one with the biggest knowledge about all the gossip in the lap but she wasn't after gossip. Deputy Chief or not, she was after the truth and not a few fantastic stories. She could go to the movies for a good story and entertainment.

In one of the lay out rooms she found Greg.

"Hey Greg."

"Wow, Deputy Chief Curtis, what can I do for you?"

"First of all you can skip the title, we know each other long enough to not care about the titles, don't we?"

"Sure. Want a coffee?"

That was a much better start of a conversation than the last two she had here. Greg's coffees were the bests you could get and she still had the taste of the expensive beans on her tongue from the time when she was a detective and he had invited her to one cup of his good stuff.

"Your own coffee or department coffee?"

"My own coffee of course. Why should I invite you to department coffee? You can get this yourself." He smiled.

"Thanks. If you have the time."

"Depends…will I get in trouble with the Deputy Chief when I take a short break?" He smiled widely.

"No." Sofia laughed.

"In this case there's no reason for no coffee." He locked the door behind them and walked with her to the break room. Here he unlocked his coffee container, added two spoons into the coffee filter, poured water in the machine and started it.

"How are you?" He asked when he sat down next to her at the table. "I haven't seen you for a while."

"I do have to work as a Deputy Chief."

"Yeah, different work but still work. Got anything for us?" He pointed towards the file in her hands.

"No…yes…no…"

"You forgotten how to make decisions, Deputy Chief?" Soft tease was in his eyes and voice.

"No, it's just…I saw the room up the hallway…"

"Oh." No further explanation was needed. He knew exactly which room she meant and for a moment there was disappointment in his voice. When she was here with folders and asked for the room, it couldn't be good. Not with the position she held in.

"Do you know what happened?"

"Sara and Ecklie had an argument."

"Must be have been a heated one."

"You know Sara, you know Ecklie, you how they both react when they're in a room…he suspended her."

"I know."

"Of course, you're his boss."

"It's the second time he suspended her." Sofia remembered the first time, Ecklie had just demoted her from acting supervisor to an ordinary CSI level 3 on Graveyard Shift. There was still anger deep inside her for this. His actions weren't fair, she did a good job, did exactly what he wanted her to do and just because he didn't like the truth, he demoted her. In the end it was the reason why she left the CSI team, went back to the police force and became what she was now: his boss.

Greg only nodded sadly.

"Why Greg? Why did she do this?"

"I don't know."

"You're her best friend, you know something."

He bid on his lips, got up and checked on the coffee machine that was still running.

"Greg."

"You have to talk to Sara about this."

"It honors you, your loyalty to her, keeping her private life private but I need a reason why I should talk to her. You see this folder?" An unnecessary question, he had asked her himself if there was a work for him in the folder, of course he knew about it, saw it. But this way she got his attention back.

"Sure."

"Ecklie gave it to me regarding Sara, I don't have to tell you more, you're a smart man, you can make your own conclusion. I need a reason why I should not only do what I'm supposed to do. He's her boss, I saw the room, there is no reason so far why I should not just do what he asked me for."

"Because you know their past and you know Ecklie. You know he isn't fair."

Sofia nodded. "Tell me one thing I don't know Greg. One thing to give me a reason to see Sara, ask her about the incident." She wanted to give the brunette a chance, wanted a reason why she should deny the wish of the man, she never liked a lot but who was right at the moment.

"Isn't it your obligation to talk to her?"

"In a case like this? The way the room looks? With her history? No."

He stayed at the coffee machine, waited until the coffee was ready, poured them two cups, carried them to the table and sat down. Getting the words in his head in order, weigh out what he could say, if it was better to say nothing or did he help his friend when he told a little bit of her life. A life she kept very private and secret.

"You know Sara and Grissom are divorced?"

"Yes. I heard about it. A big surprise I always thought they were meant for each other."

"So did I. Grissom…he wasn't…you know about Lady Heather?"

"She and Grissom are friends and there was the rumor, they were more."

"Yes. Well…we don't know if they were more than friends before he and Sara were together. What she found out was, they were FWB after their marriage."

"FWB?"

"Friends with benefits."

"Oh." Grissom cheated on Sara? This seemed to be unreal. Why would he do this? He and Sara went through a lot of trouble to be together, they both left, were in South America, as far as Sofia knew, then Sara came back, he stayed in Paris before he continued to work for several governments. There were no rumors they had any problems until a couple of months ago they got divorced.

"Sara was…is…she doesn't hate Grissom, doesn't live in the past, wants him back or whatever. But it hurts sometimes, I imagine. And even if it doesn't hurt, it makes you mad when your husband cheats on you. I'd be mad when my wife cheats on me. More than once. No matter how much time goes by. And…lets say somebody comes along and says something stupid about you, your former husband and the divorce…you might get mad."

"Ecklie provoked Sara?" Disbelieve and anger were in Sofia's voice. Did this weasel try to play her again? Use her again?

"I wasn't there but…I heard a few comments from him during the last months about Sara's divorce and Grissom's reason to cheat on her…comments, he shouldn't have made. This is now pure speculation but I can imagine when he was in the mood to provoke her, she was in the room alone, he took the chance and…you saw the end."

"You just gave me a damn good reason to talk to Sara. Thanks Greg."

"If she talks to you. I tried to call her a couple of times, she doesn't pick up the phone."

"I'll give it a try."

"She's…she's very vulnerable, Sofia. Like I said, she's over the separation, I have the feeling she was even out with somebody but…I know there's somebody, somebody who made her come back to Vegas. It wasn't the work, it weren't her colleagues, as much as I want to believe this, but there is somebody else. Somebody she hadn't mentioned, somebody who was worth coming back and putting up with Ecklie and the crime again. Somebody…if she hadn't been head over heels for Grissom, hadn't obsessed herself with the idea they are the perfect couple, somebody else could have been her perfect partner. It's only a feeling…"

"Thanks Greg. I'll drive to her condo and talk to her."

"Wait." He pulled his key chain out of his pocket, got a key out and handed it over to the blonde. "In case she doesn't open the door. I assume she has only this one chance to save her job, hasn't she?"

"Unfortunately. If she refuses to talk to me, doesn't cooperate and can't give me a good reason I've to fire her. It's nothing I want to do but…some rules you can only bend to a certain point."

"I understand. Thanks Sofia."

"You're a good friend, Greg." She squeezed his hand for a second before she rose and left the room. Time to talk to Sara, hear her side of the story. And think about the things she had just learnt.

* * *

The building Sara's condo was in, wasn't special. It was a tall building, quite new with an elevator. According to the door signs and the security man in the foyer Sara lived on the thirteenth floor. Of course she didn't care about the assumed bad luck number. Or was the superstition right this time? After all Sara didn't have a lot of luck after she moved in here. Her husband cheated on her (or she found out he did) and she was about to lose her job. If Sofia couldn't find a way to change this.

This was what she wanted. She didn't want to sign Sara's dismissal, she wanted the brunette to stay with the crime lap. They hadn't been in contact since she was back, Sofia's way up the food chain gave her less and less time to be in the lab, talk to her old colleagues and friends. When she came to them it was most times with bad news, complains of the Chief because something wasn't done fast or good enough. Or when she had to call in the Feds like in the Haskell case.

She had to change this. They had been through a lot of things together and she should be able to make some space for a coffee at least once a week. Or invite them all to breakfast. Celebrate her new position. Okay, it wasn't that new anymore but she hadn't celebrated it. Not with friends. Only with her family. Yes, that was a good idea. The agenda for the day was: talk to Sara, make her give her a good reason not to fire her, rub the news into Ecklie's face and feel at least a little bit of satisfaction about the anger he'd feel. Maybe this was a kind of payback for her own demotion but who cared? She was in a position to do so. Why not let him feel how it was when your superior made decisions you didn't like, that weren't completely correct. And when these things were done she'd invite her old colleagues to breakfast.

Happy with her new plan and feeling some extra energy because of it, she knocked on the door to Sara's condo. Real wood, black. Nice. Like the marble floor. This wasn't a cheap place. It was fancy. In a subtle way.

No reaction. She knocked again and rang the door bell. The security man had told her Sara was home. A police badge gave you so many good information. Not only looked it good on your belt, added some extra spice to your swagger, no it opened doors and loosened tongues. Only this door was apparently not impressed by her badge. Or her appearance. She had an eye on the peephole, so far Sara hadn't looked through it.

Another try. She knocked and rang the bell three times. Very annoying, when people did this to her, usually she pulled the door open and was very mad. A mad Sara was better than no Sara. No reaction.

"Sara, open the door, I know you're at home. We need to talk." Great, she didn't sound like a person you wanted to see. More like somebody you should avoid.

"Come on, it's urgent." Not much better. "Please. It's important." She should think about words that were more likely to open doors. But which? None of the words she could day without lying were likely words Sara wanted to hear.

"Get lost, Sofia!"

A reaction! That was a good start. And Sara knew it was her.

"We should talk."

"I don't want to talk. Leave me alone!"

"Can't do that." Of course she could. Leave, go back to the lab, sign the papers Ecklie gave to her. Quite easily. And not her intention.

"Fine. Stay in front of the door, I won't let you in."

Inside the condo Sofia heard how a door was slammed. Sara was serious, she wouldn't let her in. Not even talk to her through the closed door. Sofia's hand vanished in the pockets of her pants, felt metal. Time for plan B. Good old Greggo, the key was the best idea he had for a long time. And the last chance for Sara to keep her job.

Quietly Sofia opened the door, closed it, put the key back in her pocket and stood still for a moment. The condo looked not much different from the office room. Things were shattered on the floor, a framed photo was on the floor, broken glass, shoes and boats mixed up. The anger hadn't stopped after she left the department. There could be a few tickets for traffic violation on their way.

"Sara?" She had to show the brunette she was inside the condo, couldn't just walk around and surprise Sara. For a moment the thought of Sara's service weapon crossed Sofia's mind. Was the weapon in here? In the department?

"What the fuck are you doing in here? How did you get in?" Furious was an understatement. Rage was written all over Sara's face. Her eyes were narrow, dark and…there were traces of tears. "Get the fuck out of here! You're not welcome, Deputy Chief Curtis!"

"I'd like to talk to you, Sara. Please." Stay calm, stay friendly, don't try to fight with her. She's like a barrel of TNT, ready to explode.

"Fuck off!" The brunette turned and left the hallway.

Okay, this wasn't a good start but to see the bright side: Sara didn't attack her, didn't try to kick her out. That was something Sofia could work with. Why didn't she visit more of these psychology courses?

Trying not to step on anything on the floor, she walked to the room Sara vanished in, knocked on the door and opened it a little bit.

"Sara, I…" Bang! More broken glass. Next to the door, the same height as her head, something made of glass hit the wall and shattered in thousand pieces. Better than a bullet from the service weapon.

"Ever tried anger management?" Keeping the door as a protection Sofia stayed half out of the room.

"Screw you!"

"No, I will come in now and I'd appreciate it when you don't throw whatever is in your hands at me." Not waiting for an answer she stepped into the room, prepared to dive down or jump aside.

Sara, looking even more angry than before, stood on the other side of the room. A room that reminded Sofia of the office room; again. No need to wonder how the rest of the condo looked like.

"Are you renovating or looking for excuses to buy new furniture?"

"What part of "Fuck off!" did you not understand?"

"I guess it was the whole part."

"When you're here to fire me just do it."

"Why would do that?"

"Because Ecklie told you so."

"It might have slipped your mind but he can't tell me what to do. He isn't my boss anymore."

"Are you telling you don't have the paper for my dismissal in your hands?"

Angry or not, Sara was fully aware of her surroundings, knew the protocol and why Sofia was here.

"These are the papers for your dismissal, true. It's up to you what happens with them."

"Sure."

"Why should I lie to you, Sara?"

"That's what people in your positions do. Don't you guys call it politics?"

Sofia raised her brows. "I'm not a politician, I'm still a cop."

"Yeah, sure."

"Why don't you trust me, Sara?"

"Can't see a reason why. I can't trust Greg and he was supposed to be my friend. Great friend, gave you his keys. Don't deny it."

"I don't. Yes, he gave me his keys, he worries about you. He tried to call you, you didn't answer the phone. And he doesn't want to lose his friend as a colleague."

"Too late."

"It's not too late."

"Maybe I don't want to work for the department anymore."

"If this is what you really want, I've to accept your decision. I don't like it but it's your decision. The department hasn't fired you, Sara."

"I attacked the Undersheriff. The department, you, Deputy Chief, have no other choice."

"There's always a choice."

"What do you want? Want me to say I'm sorry? Well, guess what: I'm not! I'm only sorry I didn't hit him. Preferable with something heavy and sharp. Straight on his ugly head. The disgusting face. Smash it. Is this enough for you to fire me? Or do I have to throw something at you again?"

"You wouldn't…" Sofia got down to avoid the flower with its pot. Both hit the wall behind her and fell down.

"Will you fire me now?"

"No. The more you try to make me fire you the more I don't want to fire you. There's no way I give you what you want when you act like this."

"Maybe I need to shoot at you to make you understand I'm serious."

A short hot and cold shiver ran down Sofia's spine. The weapon. It was here? "Bullshit." This was more to herself than for Sara. "You wouldn't shoot me. I trust you, Sara. There's a difference in throwing a plant at me and shooting your weapon."

"Are you a shrink now?"

"No. I'm a woman seeking for some answers. And the truth."

"Why don't you go to a crime scene, if you can remember what that is, Deputy Chief."

"Of course I can, why shouldn't I…" Suddenly it hit Sofia. It wasn't her as a person who pissed Sara off, it was her title. Why was still a mystery but it was something Sofia could work with. Another step in the right direction. "Why do you mention my occupation all the time?" Deliberately she didn't say rank. The word rank sounded too much like they were different, like one of them was worth more than the other.

"Aren't you proud of it? Didn't you do a lot to get there? To be what you are?"

"I work law enforcement, just like you do."

"Can't recall seeing you around my crime scene lately. Not this week, month or year. Didn't you just jump at the first chance to get away from us? To become something better?"

Sofia shook her head. What the hell was Sara talking about? Of course she wasn't at the scenes anymore, she wasn't a detective anymore. Was this the problem? Her new rank? The fact she climbed up the food chain while Sara was still there where she had started. A CSI level three.

"What is your point?"

"My point is leave me alone. You didn't care the last years, I don't need you now."

"I beg your pardon?" Oh, oh, there was anger. She felt it. Not good. Don't get mad at the brunette, don't let her provoke you. It's what she wants. She wants you to blow. "If I remember correctly you left Las Vegas." Not the best sentence, not the best tone in her voice. She had to improve this. Soon.

"You noticed? Weren't you too busy to be a lieutenant? Work the better cases, with your beloved day shift."

"I got a promotion and changed shifts, yes."

"Working your way up to the top. It's amazing how fast you made your way up to Deputy Chief. Which special talents did you use?"

Just for this hidden and at the same time obvious accusation Sofia should leave the condo, sign the papers and do what Ecklie wanted. The problem was, she didn't want to do what Ecklie wanted and she wanted to know where this anger came from. This anger that made Sara say these things.

"So you think I slept my way to Deputy Chief? Thanks Sara, I thought you know me better."

"People tempt to be somebody else than the one they pretend to be all the time."

Okay, time to change the way of conversation. The brunette wasn't open for a conversation on arguments, she wanted to make it personal, insult her.

"Just because your ex husband is an idiot who cheated on you, it doesn't mean everybody lies to you, sleeps around. There are some people who just work, just give their best and don't lie. Believe it or not, there are even people who care for you. Care for the truth. I know you don't want to hear this, don't want to believe this because your hurt ego and furious hate make you think the whole world is against you, but when you use your brain – a damn smart brain most times – for a second you knew the truth. Of course it's easier to just believe what your feelings tell you, but as a CSI you know evidence and you know things aren't they appear on the first sight.

Grissom might have used the fact that you loved him, trusted him, that doesn't make everybody like him. Do you really believe Greg would ever hurt you? Would lie to you? Let you down? He'd walk barefoot over broken glass or heated coal. He gave me the key because he knew it's the only chance for you to stay in your job. The thought of losing you as a colleague broke his heart, he needs you. When you came back he was the happiest person in Vegas, he missed you like hell and probably never told you.

If you don't care about yourself, fine. But get yourself at least to waste one thought about your friend. He deserves more than a "fuck off" and "leave me alone". If you don't understand this, don't see it, you're not better than the people you judge." A long speech, a lot of words, too many.

"You left us."

"What?" The change in Sara's voice irritated Sofia more than the words. There was no anger, there was…the voice sounded like the voice of a child that was left behind.

"You left us. Only to become a lieutenant."

"I changed shifts." She got the promotion mainly because of her help to find Sara in the desert. It had been her idea to go to this part of the area. Without her, Nick had never had the chance to see the mirror, that laid next to Sara and blinked in the sunlight.

"You were gone."

Puzzled Sofia stared at the brunette for a few seconds. Did it matter this much to Sara that she changed shifts? Why? Okay, they worked a lot of cases together the two years Sofia was a detective but…why was she special? Sara never complained when one of the other detectives changed shifts.

"I was there…okay, we couldn't work cases together anymore but we could have met for breakfast or dinner…" When she said the words she knew it wasn't the same. She left her. She had left Sara behind. And this had hurt the brunette. More than Sofia ever imagined. In fact, she didn't have any clue Sara cared at all where she worked. "I'm sorry Sara. I had no idea…I'm sorry I let you down."

"Everybody lets me down. Sooner or later."

"That's not true!"

"Maybe I don't deserve any better. I mean there must be a reason why Grissom turned to Heather. Despite the fact we were married."

"Yeah, he's an idiot, like I said."

"Or Heather is simply better. She's beautiful, exciting, smart."

"So are you. Just more."

"She is everything he ever wanted. And when he had the chance to get what he wanted …well…doesn't matter. Where do I have to sign the papers?"

"Huh?" So many fast changes in thoughts, words, topics.

"My dismissal."

"I don't want you to sign it. I'm not here to fire you. I'm here because I want to hear reason why I can't fire you."

"There aren't any reasons, I'm sure Ecklie made that clear."

"Like you pointed so nicely out a few times, I'm the Deputy Chief, when I think his reasons are bullshit I can ignore them and make my own decisions. Why don't you tell me what happened. Why you redecorated the office room?" Slowly Sofia sat on the edge of a cabinet to make it clear to Sara, she wasn't in a hurry, didn't want to leave any time soon but wanted to hear her side of the story.

"Ecklie mentioned something stupid and I got mad."

"Wow, eight words and such a messy room." Sofia smiled.

"Didn't he tell you everything?"

"He said he said one word and you exploded. So why don't you tell me what really happened? We both know Ecklie has his own kind of truth."

For the first time there was something like a hint of a smile in the corner of Sara's mouth.

"I worked on some evidence, he came in complained about a report I hadn't written yet. I told him I'd do it when I've the time and he said, it's no surprise Grissom prefers Heather, she has style and knows how to do her job. I should go to her and learn."

"What?" Sofia didn't believe her ears. "That's what he said?"

"Yes, that was his one word that made me explode. I'm not sorry I tried to throw things in his face and there's nothing you can do to make me say I'm sorry for it."

"I can't see a reason why I should tell you to say you're sorry. Quite contrary, I understand why you're sorry you missed him."

"Still no reason to destroy department property."

"Lets say you have to pay for it."

"I know."

"Are you still mad?"

"Yes."

"Why don't you tear these papers apart?"

"What?"

"You heard me. Tear them apart, it will be good for your anger."

"Sofia…you can't."

"Don't tell me what I can or can't do, Sara." Sofia threw the folder towards Sara. "Do whatever you want with it. I won't sign it. The way I see it it's not your fault and if somebody wants to give you a hard time for what happened, Ecklie deserves the same. Weasel."

"Undersheriff Weasel."

"I don't care about his rank. Or mine."

"You put a lot of effort into becoming Deputy Chief."

"Yes, I worked hard for it. Without any shortcuts."

"That was stupid of me to suggest. Sorry."

"You were mad. Are mad?"

"I'm still mad."

"Okay." Sofia was quiet for a few seconds. "Did you really feel like I left you alone?"

Sara looked down on the floor. "Another stupid thing I said."

"A stupid thing or the truth?"

"I…you…when you changed…you had saved my life and afterwards you left."

"A change of shifts isn't leaving."

"Felt like it."

"Sorry. I had no idea it was so important for you to work with me. It occurred to me you preferred working with Brass and I was only the second best. If at all. Or third."

"My behavior wasn't the best back in the days…okay, it wasn't the best today. Probably the worst. It was never my intention to hurt you. I only wanted…I wanted to be alone…I was mad with myself, with Ecklie, with Grissom, the whole world."

"Is he still important to you? Grissom?"

"No." Sara sighed. "No, I don't bemoan the loss of him or our wedding. There are better people than him."

"It's none of my business but Greg said you're dating again." And for some stupid reason she hated the thought. Was scared Sara would be hurt again. It seemed like the brunette had a talent to end up with men who hurt her, betrayed her.

"What?"

"I think it's good, gets your mind of work and the past."

"I don't date, why does he say such a nonsense?"

"He has the feeling you came back for a special person and you see him now."

"My young friend has a vivid imagination. I don't see anybody."

"Oh." What she really meant was good. Perfect. Stay away from men, they only hurt you. Not the right words to say, not her job to say them.

"But he's right, I came back because of a special person. I hoped to see somebody when I came back."

"Did you see this person?"

"Not the way I wanted. I hope we'd see each other more, we could work together."

Sofia ran in her mind all the names of people who worked with Sara and left within the two years the brunette was gone. Warrick died, she knew it, had been here for the funeral. Everybody else was still here or did she forget somebody?

"Why didn't it work out? I mean, you left your husband in Paris to work with this person. Didn't you ask if you'll work together when you come back?"

"She's too important now to work with me…which is really sad because I miss working with her, I miss her. It was nice to have her around and I think…I realized how important she is to me when it was too late. You don't know what you've got until it's gone."

The look Sara Sofia gave was more than enough to make her understand she was this person. And it made Sofia's leg feel like jelly. She was important to Sara? Was the reason why the brunette came back? The reason why she left her husband in Paris? And stayed in Vegas instead of traveling with him around the world. Something that could have saved her marriage.

"Sara…"

"No Sofia, it's okay. Don't listen to me, I'm stupid."

"Stop talking like this, you're not stupid."

"I am." Sara opened the file and read Ecklie's notes. He never mentioned his words, never mentioned how he provoked her. According to his notes he was innocent and she was a crazy and dangerous woman who should not only be fired but also sued and send to a mental health hospital for her violence and anger issue.

"Fucking little bastard!" She smashed the file down, grabbed a lamp and threw it on the wall before she turned and started banging with her hands on her balcony door. A glass balcony door.

"Sara, don't…"

"Don't tell me what to do. This little fucker!"

The glass vibrated dangerously. As fast as possible the blonde stepped over to the brunette, tried to grab her hands and was pushed away.

"Leave me alone!"

"You will break the glass and hurt yourself."

"Doesn't matter."

"Sara, you kill yourself."

"Nobody cares." Furious the brunette slammed her hand into the glass and broke it. Immediately there was blood.

"Fuck!" Sofia grabbed Sara and pulled her away from the broken glass. Because she had nothing else at hand she pulled off her shirt and tied it around the bleeding wound. If Sara hit an artery she could die. "Are you crazy? You kill yourself."

"Leave me…" Sara tried to fight Sofia off.

"No fucking way! And when you don't stop fighting me I'll restrain you until the ambulance is here. You need a doctor, look at your wrist." The former white shirt had changed into dangerously reddish brown. One hand holding tightly onto Sara, with the other she pulled her cell phone out of the pocket and dialed 911.

"Deputy Chief Curtis, I need an ambulance ASAP. Officer down!" She gave the woman Sara's address. "We need something to stop the bleeding. Where's your first aid kit?"

"Bathroom."

Not bothering asking where it was she pulled the other woman with her. All doors were open so it was easy to find the bathroom. Before she took the time to look for the first aid kit she pulled off her shirt, dropped in on the floor and tied a small towel around the still bleeding wound. Then she opened the cabinet and pulled out a lot of things before she found a gauze bandage. She tied it around the towel, took off her belt and tied Sara's upper right arm with it.

"You should sit down until the ambulance is here."

"Why do you care? It doesn't matter what happened to me."

This woman was amazing. Unfortunately not in a good way right now.

"I fucking care! And now sit down. Slowly." Under Sofia's watchful and worrying eyes Sara on the floor, leant onto the wall and closed her eyes. Now they only needed the ambulance to hurry.

* * *

"You look like your sheets." Sofia sat on the edge of Sara's bed. The ambulance got the brunette to Desert Palms and three hours later Sofia was allowed to see her. Her hand in a big bandage, dressed in a hospital shirt, in her white bed. The same color Sara's face had. Sofia had no idea how much blood the brunette lost but from how her condo looked it was a lot. No wonder she lost conscious just before the ambulance arrived. Something that scared Sofia to hell.

"Thanks."

"What did the doctor say?"

"He said I almost managed to kill myself and should think about a cleaner to take care of my dirty windows when I'm this bad in holding my balance on a chair." The brunette smiled a bit. "I wonder how he came up with this idea."

"I've no idea who would lie to the doctor instead of telling him the truth." Sofia grinned. "Your condo is clean again and somebody will come later to take care of the window."

"Thanks…you don't have to do this."

"I know."

"Will you send me to the department shrink?"

"Do you want to go to the department shrink?"

"No."

"Then we shouldn't waste the tax payer's money on it."

"Did you talk to my doctor?"

"I told the ER guys how you got this nasty cut, that's all. Your doctor won't talk to me, I'm not a family member."

"You're my boss."

"No, I'm off the clock. I thought I finish a little bit earlier today so I can go home and redress."

"You ruined your shirt because of me. I'll give you the money for a new one."

"Don't worry about my shirt, I've more than one. And I borrowed one of your shirts that was in the laundry basket. When the docs arrived I didn't want to stand around half naked."

"I'm sure they wouldn't mind."

"I do. I'm very picky about the people who are allowed to see me half naked."

"How do you go swimming?"

"That's something different, everybody is half naked on the beach."

"True." Sara closed her eyes.

"Do you want to sleep a little bit? I bet you're tired."

"They pumped me up with blood and pills and…I feel weird."

"I bet. Have some sleep, I come back tomorrow."

"No, wait." Sara grabbed Sofia's hand and held on to her. "Please. Don't. Don't go. I'm fine, I don't need to rest."

"Are you sure?" To Sofia the brunette looked like she needed a long sleep, more blood and more sleep. Was it the right decision to lie to the doctor? Should she have told them how Sara's injury really happened? But why? It didn't change the treatment.

"Yes."

"Okay." Holding on to Sara's hand she stayed on the bed, her eyes carefully examining the other woman. Was there any evidence she wasn't fine?

"What did Ecklie say? Did he call you to hear if you have fired me already?"

"He doesn't have the slightest doubt I've already fired you. He handed me the paper, he excepts me to do what he wants me to do. Stupid man. Even when he was my boss I didn't do what he wanted me to do. I rather lost my job than lie to the world. Now that I'm his boss I won't be his marionette neither. He wants you fired, I don't. His problem my word weighs heavier than his. Plus I'll have a serious conversation with him about the words he said before you redecorated the room. He never mentioned them to me."

"Or in his report."

"No surprise."

Sara looked out of the window for a few seconds. "It was a stupid thing to do. Banging my fists on the window. It was just…I needed something to relief the anger…maybe the shrink isn't such a bad idea. I do have an anger issue."

"Some extra lessons in anger management would make some sense, yes."

"You can force me to take these lessons, you're my boss and when you say I lose my job when I don't do these lessons…nobody will argue with you."

"You will." Sofia grinned.

"My opinion doesn't count."

"You go on like this and I've to join your for the anger management. Why the hell do you think your opinion doesn't count? Didn't I just ask you if you want to see the department shrink or not? And when you said no I accepted it. It's less than five minutes ago, Sara. Are you sure your memory works?"

"You're the boss."

"Okay, once again, for you, if you want you can write it down to remember it better: I do ask for your opinion and your opinion is important to me. You are important to me. I care for you. When you bang your fists on windows, hurt yourself, I care. I worry. Is that in your stubborn head now or do I have to make you write it down?"

"You mean like Bart Simpson at the beginning of every episode?" A soft smile appeared on Sara's face. A smile that made Sofia feel warm.

"Exactly. And I make you write down you have to smile more often. Suits you better than the anger."

"There are not many reasons to smile."

"We need to find a few for you. Shall I turn on the TV and look for a comedy channel?"

"No, thanks. I'm not into this ditsy shit. I do need a glass of water. Mind if we go to the cafeteria?"

"Are you allowed to get up?"

"Can't remember they said any different."

"Your short term memory isn't the best. Let me ask a doctor."

"You go and look for a doctor and I go to the cafeteria."

Sofia rolled her eyes. "You're a horrible patient."

"I'm a horrible employee."

A nurse came in the room. "How do you feel Miss Sidle?"

"Thirsty, we were about to go to the cafeteria."

"If that's okay." Sofia added quickly.

"You have to stay in bed, Miss Sidle, you lost a lot of blood."

"Before you start a fight, tell me what you want, I go to the cafeteria and while you fight with the nurse I get your drink." The smile Sofia sent Sara made it obvious she liked the fact the nurse stopped her from getting up.

"I am absolutely capable of walking a few yards to…" The rest of Sara's sentence was gone when Sofia closed the door. Very good, somebody took care of the brunette while she had the chance to get some coffee and water. And she should offer Sara to get her some clothes. Or her bathroom stuff. The brunette had to spend the night here, she needed a few things. After all, she didn't have anybody…except Greg who had no idea Sara was in hospital. Sofia wasn't sure if she was supposed to tell him or if it was better when Sara did this herself. She didn't want to interfere with the brunette's life too much.

And she had to talk to Sara. About what she said about the person who made her come back, who was so important that she left Grissom alone in Paris. Sofia knew she was this person, there was no doubt about it. The question was, why didn't Sara tell her? Why did she never call her, asked her if they should meet for breakfast or a coffee? All the time when she wondered what Sara was doing, when she kept an eye on her cases when she was back in Vegas, sure the brunette didn't want to see her because they hadn't been this close and…Sara never seemed to care when Sofia was in the lab…she needed a few explanations. Maybe with answers she could sort out the mess inside herself.

Why made it her think this hard? What made her feel…strange to know Sara came back because of her. And what was about Greg's comment about this mystery person who was the true one Sara wanted, to be with it? This was everything but an easy work day. All the time she got only questions and barely any answers. Not even on an easy question like what Sara wanted to drink. Did she have to fight for every little information today? For everything she wanted to know? Fine, she was a fighter, she could fight.

With two coffees and two bottles of water she came back to Sara's room. Obviously unhappy with her situation the brunette sat in her bed.

"Coffee and water."

"I could have done that myself."

"Sure. The next time you go and I wait."

"This nurse…"

"Is right. You lost a lot of blood, Sara. I'm surprised you're conscious. Take a slow day and tomorrow everything will look different. Oh and you're officially on a sick leave."

"What did Ecklie say?"

"I haven't told him, I told your supervisor. Together with the information you're not fired."

"Thanks." Sara took the coffee and sipped it.

"This might not be the right time or the right place but there's a question, or some question, I have and that I can't let go. About things you said, Greg said."

"Let go of it, Sofia. It doesn't matter anymore."

"Why?"

"Because at one point you learn to live with the things you have and t accept there are a few things you can't have. Don't make it harder as it already is, please."

"I can't let go of it. You came back because of somebody. Who?"

Sara shook her head.

"I won't let go, Sara. You can end this much faster when you talk to me."

"Marrying Grissom was a mistake, I told myself I love him because I was sure when I fall in love with him he won't be available and I'm safe. When you're focused on somebody out of reach you don't have to worry about the people who are in reach. It keeps you save from other disappointments because you know, you will never have this person. I got him. Not surprisingly he didn't make me happy and at one point there was no chance I could tell myself anymore I want him. You can lie to yourself for a certain time, at one point the truth come along and shows you what you really want. That you know you live in a lie. So you try to arrange a semi truth, make a step in the right direction, towards where you wanted to be for a long time, if you hadn't been so busy building up this world of lies. Suddenly your well build world breaks down and you're left alone in reality. No lies can help you now."

Sara's words didn't make a lot of sense, not when she listened to them without her imagination. Was because of the loss of blood that the brunette talked this strange or tried she too hard not to say things? Was talking a lot a try to make Sofia shut up?

"You're really great in babbling, Sara. Easy question, a yes or no question, no further explanation needed: is the person you came back for still with the LVPD?" Sara had never said the person she came back for worked at the LVPD, never said there is really such a person. The blonde was fishing, followed her guts.

"Why…"

"Yes or no."

"Yes."

"But you don't work together?"

"No."

"Did it ever cross your mind you might be important to this person too?"

"I try not to lie to myself anymore. Lies got me into a marriage."

Sofia sighed sadly. Never before she had been confronted with so less self-esteem, so less self love and so much hopelessness. Even after saving her job, her life and telling her she was important to her, she cared for her, the brunette didn't believe it. Couldn't get it into her head. "It seems to be impossible for you that somebody likes you, isn't it? That somebody doesn't want to use or play you. Why is this so, Sara?"

"It's what life taught me, what I experienced."

"Time for you to experience something else." Okay, all or nothing. She had to listen to her guts, there was no way she'd get an answer to satisfy her mind. No evidence, no statement that cleared everything.

Grabbing the brunette's shirt at the collar she pulled her close and kissed her softly. She either would get a smack in the face that blew off her head when she was wrong or a sweet respond. There was no way Sara wouldn't react. For a second Sofia held her breath, anticipating a reaction, no matter which one before she realized there wouldn't be a smack. Sara responded the kiss. Softly, insecure but not like she didn't want it.

"Do you believe me now when I say you matter to me?" Sofia whispered softly when they both needed to breathe.

"You might have to repeat your argument to convince me completely." For the first time there was no sorrow in the brown eyes of the brunette.

"My pleasure." Not wasting another second the blonde pulled the other woman back in her arms and kissed her. This time more passionately. If there was more proof like this needed it, it shouldn't be a problem. She was more than happy to repeat the kiss a few more times. A kiss she had been waiting for for over five years. It was about time

And Sofia was sure this was the best anger management Sara could get. If needed a few times a day and the whole night long.


End file.
